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Friday, February 24, 2012

Project Runway All-Stars Episode 8: O! Say, Can You Sew?

My Dress is a Visual Representation of the Flag of the Republic of ME!


The designers were brought to the United Nations to pick out flags from six countries (and a few "those are countries? really? who knew?") which they would use as inspiration for their runway looks. They were to be inspired by both the flag and the culture of the country they picked. And, as you would expect, all of the designers rose beautifully to the challenge and created looks you could tell from a mile away were inspired by their chosen countries. Just kidding! They did the same shit they always do, but with more explanation.



Project Runway All Star designers 

The designers, all looking interested and vaguely patriotic. Except my girl Austin, who is apparently distracted by a butterfly. I love Austin. I hope he's on this show FOREVER, even after it's over.

The workroom was a little boring, unless you're interested in Joanna Coles' thoughts on bras (HINT: She's pro. VERY PRO.) so let's just skip to the runway.



The Seychelles Islands are an independent Creole-speaking island nation in the Indian Ocean. Austin saw their colourful flag and squealed with delight, promising to make the best "seashell" dress ever.



Jerell Scott: Because bad taste is universal.



After seeing what the designers came up with this week, the judges decided that it was a stupid challenge and almost just gave the win to Kenley. What was her country? Texas? France? I forget. Who cares?



Michael Costello may be the only contestant in PR history for whom the challenges are too LONG. It only takes him 20 minutes to make a stunning dress. Unfortunately, it takes him 24 hours to make a bedsheet with a pageant bouquet on the shoulder.



It's not Mila's fault that so few countries have flags that are only black and white. Still, this dress inspired by Papua New Guinea is spot on. In fact, if you do a quick Google Image Search of "Papua New Guinea" they're all wearing this exact outfit. In every single one. It's weird, really. Go ahead and search. I'll wait.



My favourite thing about Mondo's dress is how disappointed Isaac was when it referenced the flag of Jamaica in the back. Like the other judges, he had already decided that this challenge was stupid and he didn't want to do it anymore.

My second favourite thing about Mondo's dress is that he learned that Jamaica is known for a laid back attitude, "according to the dossier." Whew! It's a good thing Mondo had that dossier, otherwise how would he have known?


Mila Hermanovski with model on the runway
Mila, trying to explain that this dress is not the stupidest thing on the runway. To illustrate her point, she wore these tights.

So to recap: Mondo won (What did he win? Nothing, I think. Just bragging rights. Haha! My dress looked more like Jamaica than yours looked like seashells! Or something.) and Mila lost. Man, she fought Jerell tooth and nail for that loss, but she earned it in the end. Well done, Mila. It truly was the stupidest thing on the runway.

NEXT WEEK: The designers have to design dresses out of glow sticks and fiber optic lights! Oh, I wish I were kidding.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Project Runway All-Stars Episode 7: Puttin' on the Glitz

Isn't it a bit, I don't know, costume-y?

This week the designers had to design a costume for the Broadway revival of Godspell. I've never seen Godspell, but I've seen Project Runway lots of times and I know that these "costume" challenges are the most fun for the viewers but rarely reflect the designers' point of view (unless that designer is Chris March. I wish HE was on All Stars!). Nonetheless, the designers do the best they can to create a look that is described to them as "a rich lady who is dressed on stage by the other cast members in clothes that look like they come from the thrift store." Kenley was in heaven! Thrift stores? She LOVES thrift stores! She's pretty sure she'll win (SPOILER: She doesn't.).

Mentor Joanna Coles and designer Mondo Guerra in the workroom
Joanna Coles workroom critiques follow a predictable pattern of three thoughts: 1. This looks just like what you always design. 2. Look around. Do you really think you belong here? (Ahem. Kara.) and 3. HOW DO YOU WEAR A #&$%-ing BRA WITH THIS?

The bra issue is her personal obsession and will come out in every challenge. However, in this challenge she may have helped the designers out with even more criticisms of the practicality of their designs since part of the challenge was that the outfit had to be assembled on stage. So how exactly would that work if some of these looks are basically halter tops over an otherwise nude model? (I'm looking at you, Michael Costello.) Isn't Godspell a family show??

So here's how they did:


Austin Scarlett--Okay, so which pieces are assembled ON STAGE and what would the actress be wearing BEFORE that??


Jerell Scott--It's okay, and it's about as good as Jerell gets. How does someone SO adorable consistently have such BAD taste?


Kara Janx--Time to go, Kara. Face it, you never should have been here in the first place.


Kenley Collins--I really loved it! The judges didn't love it as much, but whatever. I would wear it if I were a Broadway star who, for some reason, got to pick out my own character's costume without having to consult with anyone else.


Michael Costello--Oh for God's sake, Michael. Please tell me you know how to make something OTHER than a draped halter top and wrap skirt! This was NOT the challenge for this look! And the shoes are all kinds of ridiculous.


Mila Hermanovski--Once again benefitting from having a designer who is worse than her on the runway. That luck won't last forever, Mila.



Mondo Guerra--Oh fun! And if Godspell doesn't use it, maybe there will be a revival of Cats! Really, though, I love, love, loved it. It really looked theatrical, but in the best way.

Austin Scarlett on Broadway
And the winner is: Mondo! Here is Lindsay Mendez wearing a version of Mondo's winning design in Godspell. I like Mondo's better.




So to recap: Mondo easily won (Kenley was a little bummed but I'm sure she'll live). And in the race for the bottom: Kara! Was anyone surprised, really? Well, I admit I was surprised. Surprised that Kara was even in All Stars to start with. See ya, Kara!



Friday, February 10, 2012

Project Runway All-Stars Episode 6: Fashion Face Off

In which Cynthia Rowley asks, "Do my bones make me look fat?"

Project Runway All Star judge


































Cynthia Rowley (who is 53, btw!) was the guest judge for this challenge. She and Joanna Coles had an eating contest backstage. Which is to say, they compared notes on when they last ate ("I ate in my 20's!" "I haven't eaten since I was breastfed!")

This week brought an interesting challenge for the remaining eight designers. Each had to design a look for a specific season (Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall, for those of you not raised in a temperate zone and wondering why no one was designing for the Monsoon Season or something) and face off directly against the other designer showcasing that season.


So after a variation of the velvet bag process in which the designers had to pick from a series of giant chunky purses that would then have absolutely nothing to do with the challenge itself, it came down to the following pairings:

Fall: Mila and Rami
Winter: Jerell and Michael
Spring: Kara and Austin
Summer: Kenley and Mondo

The real drama of the workroom, perhaps the entire episode, was the Great Coat Caper. Namely, did Michael Costello steal Jerell's idea for the winter coat? Well, according to editing (and by "editing" I mean all of the words that came out of Michael's mouth) he did. He totally did. Which is weird, because Jerell usually makes shitty clothes. But I guess the one time that Jerell made something good, someone had to done go an' steal it.


Michael Costello in the workroom
Michael finding his inspiration. "Oh look! It's over there, at Jerell's table!"

Mentor Joanna Coles and designer Kenley Collins and the workroom
Joanna looking particularly hungry snippy today.

Joanna Coles, Jerell Scott, and Michael Costello in the workroom
Joanna hearing about CoatGate for the first time. Michael, acting like he is shocked that anyone is bringing this up.

Project Runway All Star designers and mentor, Joanna Coles
Joanna, deciding to continue bringing it up, this time in front of all of the designers. They have a panel discussion about whether or not Michael is a design stealer and a poopie head. No one seems to complain that this is taking up half of their own work time. Who doesn't love being in on the gossip?

Will Jerell be vindicated? Will his coat be better than the knock off? Let's find out!

First, a look at Spring:
Project Runway All Star models on the runway
You'll see that Austin's design, here on the left, was inspired by ugliness. Ugliness and old ladies. A lot of people have been throwing around the name "Golden Girls" but let me tell you, none of those fine ladies would have been caught dead (or even on life support) wearing this pile of ill fitting beige ugliness. Was he trying to be ironic? Why did he think any woman wanted to see the return of the blousy front pleated pants?

Meanwhile, Kara's design, on the right, is something I would probably wear. Granted, I'd wear it after buying it at the mall (and by "mall" I mean "Wal-Mart") so I'm not sure why we needed a Project Runway All Star to design it.

Next: It's the Polka Dot Wars of Summer!
Project Runway All Star models on the runway
I've heard a lot of people say (like a LOT, a lot) that Kenley's jumpsuit thing on the left is something that almost every girl would want to wear. I'm not going to beat around the bush. I am far too old and far too fat to even understand that comment.

Meanwhile, Mondo's look on the right is okay, but it is a bit of a watered-down version of a Mondo look.

But together they remind me of a glamourous 1960's mom (on the right) going out shopping with her oddly-sexy toddler (on the left).

Next up: Fall
Project Runway All Star models on the runway
On the left we have Mila's cape, which looks exactly like the model was trying to fight her way out of a paper bag and somehow cut her arms up so now she's bleeding everywhere. Creepy.

And on the right we have Rami's...uh...look. Is it a coat? Is it a blouse? Is it an excuse to make the model look 30 lbs heavier? Cynthia Rowley is NOT having that! How DARE you suggest a woman should look like she has flesh?! Off with his head! (Which weighs 8 lbs, according to Jerry Maguire.)

And finally, WINTER. Which awkward grey coat do you like better?
Project Runway All Star models on the runway
Jerell's is on the left, Michael's on the right.

How you're supposed to react: OMG! They're exactly alike! OMFG! Jerell's is SOOO much better! ZOMFG! Michael Costello is SUCH a thief! WTF?!

How I actually reacted: Uh, they're not that similar. The main similarity is the fabric choice, which was done long before anyone entered the workroom or started looking over their shoulders for inspiration. And Jerell's (on the left) isn't really better. It's messier and more bohemian and it's interesting that he did something a little different by making it sort of an oversized cape/coat combo, but in the end, would it sell? Like, for real, would it sell? I'm not so sure. There's so much fabric you'd only want to wear it in seriously cold winter weather, yet the sleeves don't come down to the wrists and the slit on the side never seems to stop. It's a LOT of houndstooth, which reminds me of Sears catalogues from the mid-1980's, but not in a good way ("a good way" would be if I saw Exercise Barbie and She-Ra dolls from the 1985 Sears Wishbook). Plus that side pocket seems more like an awkward front pouch.

Michael's coat (on the right), on the other hand, is tailored, put together and has "a point of view" as fashionistas are so fond of saying. But that wouldn't make good television, would it?


The best part of the runway was when the designers stood next to their models and we discovered that it was Dress Like Your Model Day on PRAS! It's like somebody was playing a game of "Can You Match the Designer With Their Model" and they got them all right!

Mondo Guerra and Kenley Collins with models on the runwayKara Janx and Austin Scarlett with models on the runway

Mila Hermanovski and Rami Kashou with models on the runwayMichael Costello and Jerell Scott with models on the runway

In the end...
Jerell won. Was it because of the Coat Gate scandal? Well, I don't want to speculate but...YES. OF COURSE IT WAS.
But sadly, Rami was sent home. How many of you gasped when you heard that news? I know, Rami went home before Kara?! No one was more surprised than Kara herself. She talked about it for most of the rest of the episode and well into the next.

I guess that means Rami does not win PRAS. Ladies, adjust your bets (MONDO FTW!)

Friday, February 3, 2012

Project Runway All-Stars Episode 5: Clothes Off Your Back

Excuse me, would you get naked for me and my camera?

Fun! Fun! Fun! The designers have to run around Central Park asking people to be their muse AND give them the clothes off their backs, which will then be turned into runway looks. They can grab as many items of clothes as they can, but they have to pick one person who will act as their inspiration look. Okay, really it's just an excuse for these horny designers to get hot guys to strip naked for them. Wouldn't you?

Jerell Scott during the challenge
They gave them a portable change room and everything!

Michael Costello during the challenge
Michael was SOOOO convinced he had to have this and then as soon as he got back to the workroom one of the other designers uttered the word "doily" and he tossed it in the garbage. I feel bad for this poor girl who lost her sweater for nothing. Also, he couldn't figure out that it looked like a doily on his own? I mean, that's what makes it fabulous, but still. It's pretty obvious.

Austin Scarlett and contestants collecting clothing for the challenge
The designers did have the option to provide people with T-shirts and shorts to wear to replace their clothes. Funny, Austin must have forgotten...


The results: 

Anthony Williams seemed to have more fabric than anyone else put together, but it was mostly just the t-shirts (and underwear?) of hot guys so he ended up using fabric almost entirely bought at Mood. Turns out this was a problem. You don't say? It is a shame though, because he definitely didn't have the worst design of the week.


Austin Scarlett--Not bad at all, I thought. I thought it may have gotten the win (it didn't though).


Jerell Scott--Okay, okay, I get it. The judges thought this showed a little too much skin. But maybe that's just because they were picturing a woman wearing it. If you squint, couldn't you just see this on some skinny artsy twink drag queen? Like if she wanted to show her hippie bohemian side but still wanted to let you know she was the skinniest bitch in the bar? But she'd have better shoes. That's a given.



Kara Janx--Sometimes at night I dream that I am in hell and I am forced to give endless piggyback rides to ever-growing toddlers and to critique Kara Janx's clothes while listening to her explain herself in between exasperated breaths and fake tears.


I love Kenley Collins' dress so much it could be Mondo's! Actually if Mondo had made it, it probably would have won.


Michael Costello: (overheard backstage) "So I made eight different dresses and they were all good, but they weren't, like good good. What's that? It's time to go? Eeep! Quick! Put on this underwear that makes you look like one of your boobs has fallen and your pubic hair is taking over your hips! Whew. Did it again, Michael Costello."


Mila's inspiration look was...Mila! This is the exact outfit that Mila would wear if she was feeling "totally crazzzzy!" Or if she had just wet herself. What's with the black crotch?


Mondo--Of all the things that Mondo has designed, I just didn't feel like this was the Mondo-iest. I mean I know he had to be inspired by his muse, but...I just didn't feel this deserved the win. To me, this was a third place look. Respectable, but no tiara.



Oh Rami. I can't remember how I felt about this outfit the first time I saw it, but after some time is passed I realize just how much I hate it. Every single element of this look has something I hate. The overly ruffly blouse in the outdated print, the vest that looks like it was meant to be a blazer but he didn't know how to make a collar or sleeves, the front-butt mom shorts in a shade so neutral it might as well be called Caucasian Nude, the ridiculous zig-zaggy trim that runs throughout the blouse and shorts, the fedora and earrings that say, "I'm precious! Look how precious I am!"...it's all just too much. Where is the Rami who I felt was robbed of his rightful place as a second place contestant? (Let's face it, Rami was from Season Four--there was no way he deserved to beat Christian Siriano!)



So in the end the judges (including guest judge What'sHisName?) decided that Mondo was the Mondoiest after all and he got the win. And Anthony's time as a reality show starlet who likes to make dresses sometimes was, once again, brought to an end. Perhaps he could gain a whole bunch of weight and then go on Celebrity Fit Club or be a guest judge on Shear Genius or something. Bye, Anthony!